I’ve interviewed some nutjobs in my time (Usher ignored me and sat entranced, dribbling in lust at his own image on a TV screen, Terrorvision drunkenly wrestled me to the ground and threw a guitar at my head, Christina Milan insisted I snog her male hairdresser); however Mr. Lightspeed Champion is on another sublime level of lunacy. He is truly, indisputably, certifiably, gloriously bonkers.

Or so his creator would like us to believe.

I should have been prepared for chaos. Any character who wears a yellow body warmer and holds a live hen aloft in his press photos clearly could be a trumpet short of a brass band.

“I don’t really like playing live. In fact I get nothing out of it at all,” is his opening line. This, for an interview in which he is hoping to promote his new tour, is a striking opening gambit.

Mr. Lightspeed Champion is known to his mother (a woman I would like to meet by the way) as Devonte Hynes, a 21-year-old singer-songwriting lunatic. His apathy to playing live should not be too keenly analysed, apathy and Lightspeed are familiar bedfellows. When his last band split, the highly regarded Test Icicles, he was quoted as saying “We were never that keen on the music. I understand that people liked it, but we personally, er,
didn’t.”

Not enjoying performing music, or enjoying the actual music itself, is a pretty impressive combination for a man making his living from, er, music. Contradictions and Lightspeed Champion go hand in hand. In fact the carefully cultivated image of a nerdy, apathetic social outcast may be nothing more than a PR creation. Am I just interviewing a carefully constructed character?

Born in Houston, Texas, Hynes moved to Edinburgh and then Essex when he was still a young nipper. By his own admissions he has always been an unusual human being, “I’ve never really enjoyed going out, I prefer being at home, I don’t have a radio or a TV, I just like playing the guitar or other instruments, writing songs.”

Despite not having a radio or a TV Mr. Lightspeed displays a remarkable affinity for what the general public wants to hear. He has acquired an impressive following since his split from Test Icicles and will soon embark on a UK headline tour, followed by international appearances in exotic locations across the globe, including Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro. MTV have also welcomed him onboard their Gonzo tour where he will thrill thousands of fans, even if he won’t be so thrilled by the experience himself. “I just don’t get any buzz from playing live, it leaves me numb and I don’t want to have to do it. I just want to make music and be left alone,” complains a yawning Lightspeed.

One suspects that this LC world of surreal clothes, quotes and opinions may not be entirely as it seems. As a product that stands out from the self-aggrandising competition, a false ugly as opposed to a false beauty, it is definitely distinctive.

Lightspeed gives a fairly convincing riposte that his general aura of madness is authentic, “My image, clothes, music, opinions they are all just me, I am really not interested in looking beautiful, being famous or sitting on top the charts. I just love being alone making music, making things sound good.”

I am nearly convinced that this is truly the be-all and end-all of Hynes’s ambitions. Yet this is a man, who, at the tender age of 21, has been in two high-profile acts, signed lucrative deals with Domino Records, built up a huge fan-base, and produced a lot of clever, commercial music. Whether honest or not, this is an intelligent artist; one who has devised a commercial strategy.

How’s the lovelife then Mr. Lightspeed? Do you get a lot of groupies offering deviancy on tour? “Not a single one, nothing, I never get a thing, it is not fair, oh dear,” he says laughing. No wonder he is apathetic to life on the road. Are you looking forward to your live shows in South America? “No. I’d rather be at home.” One can’t fault his consistency.

Surely something must make this man smile? The answer is predictably unpredictable. “When was the last time I laughed until I cried? I saw a clip of that Disney show Hannah Montana - my favourite program by the way - and the kids were dancing in this really funny way. I think it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, I loved it.” Quite what Hannah Montana would make of Lightspeed is anyone’s guess. Would you like to meet her LC? “No.”
It is at this point in the interview that Lightspeed Mentalhead picks up his guitar and starts making little twangy noises in response to my questions. I think I may have lost him.

I try the personal touch. Do you want to go out with me to a party tonight, Mr Lightspeed? It would be good for you to get out of the house. “No, I don’t like going out, people do drugs and it is all a bit crazy, I don’t understand it, I can’t go to clubs, I don’t like them, I’d rather be at home.” More guitar twanging. It is like trying to interview a POW, I am waiting for him to swallow his vial of poison rather than have to answer any more of my questions.

I’ll throw him a curveball. Tell me about the chicken? “What do mean?” The guitar pauses momentarily, a confused eyebrow is raised. The bird in your picture, why are you holding it? Is it your girlfriend? “The chicken was there and I just picked it up, I don’t really understand the picture.” So it doesn’t have any secret hidden meaning? “No, I don’t think so, it was a lovely bird but I don’t think it liked me much. I don’t really know why they take silly photographs of me.”

Such colourful shots are no accident, they are as carefully crafted as Girls Aloud in PVC. It is amusing Hynes pretends he is unaware of the image strategy.

What about your lyrics then Lightspeed, are they filled with important, heartfelt messages or is it random musings? “No, they are just random words; I don’t really pay much attention to them.” Faux apathy is once again on display. Many of his tracks show careful lyrical construction and TLC, take ‘Midnight Surprise’ for instance, unrequited love is the carefully considered theme: “Shoot me / Into sleep / Your beauty is so close to me… Creeping down my bones / Reminds me I’m lonely”. These are just “random words” of a rambling chancer? More like the hard work of a man diligently crafting tasty music.

I would love to believe that Lightspeed Champion is authentic; an apathetic, peaceful, nerdy hippy who just wants to be left alone, his musical genius solely propelling success and preventing him from the anonymity he craves.

However, it is the internet, where cult followings thrive and ‘losers’ romantically become overnight ‘winners’, that now pulls the strings of the music business, and Devonte Hynes is a clever man. One suspects the name ‘Lightspeed Champion’ is not the only false thing about his act.

www.tourdates.co.uk/lightspeedchampion

Lightspeed Champion plays the 100 Club on 2 October 2007.